I LOVE YOU BUT WE ONLY HAVE FOURTEEN MINUTES TO SAVE THE EARTH

TIMBERLINA'S TOP DOMESTIC TIPS FOR SAVING THE PENNIES & THE PLANET

Scrubbing the bathroom? Run out of Cif? Great! With all the inorganic chemicals used in domestic cleaning products you may be unsuspectingly killing not just your loved ones but the planet! Studies show that domestic sterility is inextricably linked to allergies, whilst cleaning products contain carcinogens which contribute to the depletion of global water supplies through contamination! But do not fret - a squeeze of lemon and sprinkle of bicarbonate will scrub bathroom surfaces, whilst white vinegar is a natural disinfectant for the kitchen. Not only will you help save the planet, you'll avoid multi-national conglomerates and save some cash!

Feeling the financial strain but want to entertain? Stinging nettles provide the perfect thrifty solution. They're a free, tasty source of Vitamin C which grow abundantly on every curbside in the country! Pick the younger, shorter and juicer stems using rubber gloves. Then greet guests with a refreshingly chilled nettle tea before serving up a piping hot nettle soup and fascinating them with your stories of foraging and the disastrous environmental consequences of intensive arable farming!

Last, but by no means least: don't have children. Each child gets through enough nappies to fill a small swimming pool before transforming into a rampant force of obliteration, wantonly destroying everything in their path environmentally, emotionally and psychologically! If the serendipitous alchemy of two people in love really isn't enough - adopt: secondhand children are more sustainable and just as useful around the house.

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